Monday, May 30, 2011

those 'what ifs' do happen... but they aren't going to stop me!

Well... When I talk to my mom about this trip to Kenya thing, I try to tell her that I can't just stop living my life or doing what I want to do because of the things that could happen or in this case, the 'what ifs' that could prevent me from raising enough money. I know that stuff can happen, especially when I have all these medical problems and stuff has happened before. Although none of it was really expected and we weren't prepared, none of it has really affected my life too much. We make it through and move on and I become stronger with every bump in the road. But, when I was thinking about this trip, I was kind of thinking, hey there's like nine months or something until the trip. That's almost a year. I will have lots of time to hopefully start feeling better, and if anything happens, I have lots of time to get over it. Really I was thinking that everything would be fine because well it has to....nothing will happen because it has to all be fine. But I was recently reminded, life doesn't really work like that does it?

I have been feeling pretty good on this medication. Almost totally normal except for the odd day every now and then. The best I've been feeling for over a year. With all this feeling great it made it even easier for me to forget the 'what ifs'. But then a 'what if' happened. It was just a normal old day; I was home from school, checked my email, picked some rhubarb (okay, I don't do that every day after school haha..), and got to work on my homework. All this time I had this dull pain under my rib on the right side. It was pretty uncomfortable but I was able to live with a bit of pain. After a while it got really bad though. It hurt more when I breathed in or moved or cried or pretty much anything. It also made me kind of nauseous and I was freezing cold. I was so cold that I was shaking a lot. I had to warm up so I had a hot bath. The bath not only warmed me up but also helped the pain go back to how it was before which was a lot more manageable.

A couple days later, I woke up at quarter to one in so much pain. Way more pain than before even. I have not felt any pain that severe since I had a kidney stone. I could not take it. It was terrible. It made me extremely nauseous, I thought I was going to get sick. So, my mom took me to the hospital. That didn't help much though. I was really hoping for something really good for the pain, but nope. The warm blankets were quite nice though :) They did some tests and I tried to sleep but that didn't really work. When I finally got to actually see the doctor, the pain was gone. He said it sounds like something to do with my gallbladder so we will have to talk to my doctor.

The next night, I had the same pain again. Hot water bottle didn't help (in fact, I think it made it worse because in order for me to feel the warmth, it had to actually touch me and so whenever anything touched the spot that was hurting it got worse), medication didn't help, and a hot bath helped hardly at all and only when I was in it. I eventually fell asleep though. If I wasn't so exhausted I probably would have been up all night.

My mom talked to my doctor and he said he will try and look into it over the weekend and give us a call on Monday so I will be waiting to see what he comes up with! If it is my gallbladder that's the problem, it sounds like that would make a lot of things make a lot more sense.

Anyways, my point here was, that it really made me think and realize: look stuff happens! It really does. Even when you are trying to plan a trip to Kenya! I did realize this before but I don't think I actually thought about it. I kind of just assumed everything would be fantastically great the whole time and go exactly as planned. This has reminded me of what could and kind of did happen and so I rethought the Kenya thing for this year. I could go now or I could wait and go another year. I really did think about it this time. I did before but this time I had what I guess you could call a 'punch in the face' or a little reminder.

I considered everything and thought about it in all different ways. I have decided that I still want to work towards going on the trip to Kenya. Random unexpected things that get in the way happen to everyone. Mine just seem to be medically related and happen quite often. Its been like that for a while and I don't think it will suddenly change. If I have medical issues, I don't think they are going to suddenly disappear! Something that could happen tomorrow could just as easily happen two, three, or even ten years from now! Anything can happen to anyone at any time. You never know! This is something I would really like to do and I have the chance to do it. I feel like I can do it... actually, I KNOW I can do it and I will do it. It's just kind of up to my mom haha. But whatever she chooses, I'm hoping that it is that I can go... ;) but if not, I do plan on going one day. I want to help people all over the world and I will help people all over the world. Until it happens I will just have to do it from home though ;)

Tomorrow (well, I guess you could say today...haha) I will be waiting for the call from my doctor and hoping he has some ideas. I also have to get an x-ray (one that I was actually supposed to do like a year ago..) to check for progression of my scoliosis and then I have another appointment at Children's. I'm hoping that doctor will maybe have some ideas on what's going on and that we maybe get a chance to talk about her ideas on how everything could be related and like genetic stuff.

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