Thursday, June 13, 2013

When "Abnormal" Feels Normal, what's "normal"?

I feel bad that this post is so late in the day...but hey, better late than never!

Today it took me some time to decide what to write about, so I decided to just write about what was most on my mind.  Before beginning my 50 Day Challenge, I had brainstormed a list of things that I'm passionate about and what's important to me.  These are things that I wanted to make sure to include over the next little while, but I've definitely left room to be spontaneous!

Anyway, for the past couple of weeks I've noticed that physically I haven't been feeling well.  The problem is though, I'm so used to something not feeling right that I don't always know how I'm supposed to feel.  All of these abnormal things have begun to feel normal to me.  But I hate the word "normal".  I will come back to that in a moment.  Originally, what started my thinking about this word was the news I got today.  It wasn't exactly shocking news to me; I saw it coming.

Like I said, physically I haven't been feeling well.  It's not like I'm super sick, it's like I feel sick but not.  It was easy to ignore until I found myself so tired that some days I've slept for up to 17 hours.  What gave it all away to me though was the stabbing pains I've occasionally gotten in my right side under my ribs.  In case you haven't guessed it yet, I suspected that I have another gallstone.

The symptoms have persisted so I saw a doctor and went in for an ultrasound today.  After wiping the slimy ultrasound goop off of my stomach I was about to walk away but decided to ask if they happened to see any stones.  She held up one finger and nodded.  Another stone.  This is gallstone #5 post gallbladder removal, or #6 in total.

It's definitely weird that I've had so many stones yet have no gallbladder, but it sort of seems normal to me now.  This time, it's easier to mentally prepare myself for what might happen at any moment: the 8mm stone caught in my common bile duct has the power to make me very sick and cause severe pain whenever it wants.  We're ready for if/when that happens this time though; we have a plan because this abnormal thing has become our normal.



So, the word "normal"...  what really is "normal"?  Well, here are some examples from thesaurus.com:

Definition: common, usual
Synonyms: accustomed, acknowledged, average, commonplace, conventional, customary, general, habitual, mean, median, methodical, natural, orderly, ordinary, popular, prevalent, regular, routine, run-of-the-mill, standard, traditional, typical, unexceptional
Antonyms: abnormal, irregular, odd, strange, uncommon, unconventional, unusual

I don't know, it just seems like the word "normal" suggests that if you're anything other than "average" you are "abnormal".  I'm sure everyone has their own idea of what's "normal", but I'm also sure that it's easy for people to start comparing their normal to somebody else's normal.  This can easily cause insecurities, bullying, and so many other unpleasant things.  

I'm not too sure how I want to wrap up this post... I honestly don't even know if any of this makes sense haha... but here's my thought of the day!
Maybe it will inspire you in some way or something like that.... maybe it sparked a thought of some sort and you can wrap it up in your own mind.

Good night :)

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